his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
