The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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