make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
