I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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