It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Terrible idea I love it
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
