just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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