how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
