I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
