I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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