So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
