Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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