People in love make me want to vomit
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize