It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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