I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
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