I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
