I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
