Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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