I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
