I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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