I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
