and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
