just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I have tasted many bathrooms
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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