Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
