I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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