i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize