he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
