fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
