Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
