So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
