Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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