don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
