Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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