I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
too bad you live with your parents still
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
