I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
