I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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