Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
