He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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