Its about making memories worth repressing
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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