So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
