Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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