I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize