watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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