I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
