I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
