Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Damn victory sex feels great
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
