I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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