you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
4 words: hood of his car
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm too high and old for this...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
