Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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