he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
