She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
