he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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