The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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