She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize