Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
