I think i peed on brittanys purse
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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