why didn't you poke me back
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
