like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize