The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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