Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
