Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
