Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
