Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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