kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
