i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize