how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
