You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Randomize
