I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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